I got the job. We're moving to Seattle.
I got the offer packet. I signed it, returned it. I gave notice to my current boss. It's really happening.
Now I can breathe easier. No more imagining nightmare scenarios, where they change their minds over some random thing, and decide not to take me.
"Oh shit, I fucking pulled it off." That's the phase I'm in right now. That's how I always feel, after landing a new job. "They actually bought the act! The suckers think I'm qualified!"
(Just kidding, by the way--if this ever gets back to my bosses.)
So now we focus on moving. I have to figure out how to get there. Are we: (1) flying with pets, and getting the Honda transported? (2) driving with cats? (3) driving alone, and putting cats on a plane? ("Cats On A Plane". Not to mention the snakes...)
3,000 miles is a long drive with 4 cats. I don't think that would be, shall we say, "ideal".
The job deal includes a cash sum, to cover relo costs. So the cheaper I can move, the more I have left at the end. So I want to economize, as much as I reasonably can.
U-Haul is right out. V doesn't want to drive truck cross country. Can't say I blame her.
Somebody told me of an option I hadn't heard of: a shipping container. Load it yourself, and they put it on a flat-bed truck, and transport it. Sounds pretty good, in theory.
So. Goodbye Baltimore. Hello Seattle.
The Packet was sent. It has arrived in Baltimore. But I have to wait until 8:00 to pick it up. Aaaargh!
I'm so ready to tell everyone. I'm so ready to be done with all this suspense and anxiety.
Updates this evening.
Let me just say, for what it's worth, that wage garnishments suck.
Also, knowing it is my own damn fault does not, unfortunately, help it suck any less.
Someone said, the problem with people today is that they blame all their problems on outside forces, instead of taking responsibility themselves. For example, people always say, "I'm stressed", when they mean "I'm tense". Thus they blame the external stimuli, rather than their response.
Well, I'm tense.
After three good days--a fun three day weekend--I finally started to relax. My chronic shoulder tension started to let up. I submit that there is something wrong when it takes three days to relax.
I know the steps I need to take--my little experience has given me an epiphany. I need to drive slower. Rushing doesn't save much time, and it makes car trips more harrowing. (If I consider all the time I waste in decompression, I end up saving time by not building the tension in the first place.)
Also, being late all the time makes me rush, and puts the fear of reprisal in me, which also builds tension. (I know why I do the lateness thing--it's an avoidant behavior thing. But that's a whole other topic.)
Okay then. I will drive slower. That's easy. And try to be on time more often. That's hard.
To date, I've only ever used the "responsibility" bludgeon, to try to break my lateness habit. Obviously it hasn't worked. But what if, instead, my motivation for being on time is to build a sense of security and equanimity, and reduce my tension? That might work better. The carrot instead of the stick.
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
How did I end up with five bosses? Boys and girls, you don't want five bosses. Wendy, John, Simone, Chen-Te and Marty. Yep, that's five.
I know how it happened. I learned how to do the things nobody else in the department can do. So whenever those things need to get done, people come knocking on my door.
Being good at your job isn't supposed to make your life difficult.
Four of the five bosses are breathing down my neck, as we speak. "We want numbers, now now now." God dammit, it's not my fault the system is dog-slow.
Okay, okay. You want numbers right now? I'll come to the rescue. I'll take an hour out of my day, and jury-rig the simulations to run in parallel.
Yes, that's right, I'm the man. Except now they will act like I was holding out on them before.
That's the problem with bosses. They see the turnaround-time, but they don't see the human time that gets sucked down the tubes. I could spend 5 minutes, kick-off a run, and get the result in 12 hours. Or I could spend an hour tweaking and setting shit up, and get the result in 20 minutes. I would much rather do the first option than the second. It is much more efficient for me. And much less stupid and boring!
I'm having a hard time with life decisions right now. There is a shift in the wind at my workplace, and it seems like only a matter of time before things totally crash and burn there. The parent company announced this week that they're putting our firm up for "disposal", ie sale. We may get shut down within the year; or it may take longer; or, then again, we may live on under a new as-yet-unknown name. Life is full of mysteries. What is certain is that we will see a bunch of attrition in the mean time--like rats fleeing from a sinking ship/burning building. I'm waiting for the next round of resignation announcements to happen in the next few weeks. (As it stands already, a good half of my colleagues have resigned or been laid off, in the two years I've worked here.) Turnover means harder work for those that remain, obviously.
So, it's getting about time for me to look for my next gig. And that puts me smack-dab between the horns of the dilemma I've been struggling with for years. I don't really like actuarial. The products are bogus. It's boring and uninspiring. (But in the real world, isn't that why they call it "work"?) I would relish a career change to software engineering. I have programming skills, and a math degree, but no comp-sci courses in college. That puts me at the entry level. Not where I want to be, with 5 years experience. The pay cut is scary; starting over is scary. Hell, the job search is scary--maybe even more so. To top it off, I would be looking in Seattle--which is an infinitely better place to live than Baltimore, and also more expensive.
And for another thing, I'm within a year of finishing my 5 year course of actuarial studies. Upon finishing, I'd be eligible for a big raise and promotion. Of course, I'd still be an actuary, which one can only look forward to so much. But still...money is money. And my student loans are in default. :(
So yeah. That.
Aaah, Facebook! Aaah!
I was going to say that thing about how, when you get on it, you are suddenly back in contact with all the people you used to know, and haven't spoken to in years. But then I realized that everyone has heard that a dozen times by now.
So instead, I will just say, I think the whole thing is just another flash in the pan, like MySpace. And it will probably die soon, and be replaced by the next social networking fad website.
Of course, it hits closer to the mark than MySpace, because it gathers more info. So it has that creepy, uncanny-valley effect, where you do a double take, and curse, and say, "how did THEY know I know that person?!"
Unfortunately, it's bloated with crap features, while the most important functions take too long, and waste your time. Typical internet crap. Click click click.
I have a vision, people. A world in which the internet does all the useful things for us that it does today. But instead of taking up our time, it just performs the essential service, and then gets out of the way! So we can spend more quality non-internet time. Reading books, working, exercising. Catching butterflies, collecting stamps.
We need a social networking website that's run like a public service. No more bullshit. Just the parts that matter. Make it look like Craigslist.
Hey, come to think of it, if Craigslist started a social networking website, I would TOTALLY join.